I don't know whose idea it was to name this very defiant and unruly behaviour 'Terrible Twos'. I think the description is misleading to any first time mother and whoever gave it a title didn't have kids. My kids were in the terrible twos stage from birth until the age of 3 for sure. I have one who is still 3 and a baby, so this blog will have to be modified in the future!
How I dealt with terrible twos. First I screamed, then I bit my hand, then I hit the wall, then I threw a toy (not at the whining kid), and repeat. But seriously, they make my heart beat so fast, I think it's gonna stop. I tried to google Tips for coping with the Terrible Twos, but it's not as easy as it looks.
Other things that started coming to mind later on with some experience are the following:
Ignoring, which is so difficult, but with lots of practice I became a pro.
Not stopping them. If they are doing something wrong, I don't say 'stop it!', I take what they have in their hand and hide it, or if they are for example throwing sand at other people, I carry them to the water.
I distracted them with something else. They take someone's toy and the other kid wants it back. Instead of making them cry, I have another new thing ready in my hand to swap.
If I say no, it's a NO. And I am not joking.
If I promise something I do it. I keep my word. If I say we go to the playground after school, we go after school. If I say I am going to buy you a chocolate, I buy them a chocolate. If I say no tablet for now, we watch it later, later I am the one who reminds them. No tricking them to forget.
I am not afraid of raising my voice at them, but not screaming, changing the intonation of my voice. And it's loud. Remember I am a soprano.
I give them a very scary look, I can assure you no one is afraid of it, but anyhow, I try my best.
That smack on the bum when they do something really wrong (very rarely but it happens).
A nice atmosphere for where they think about what they did wrong. I normally put on the lights in their bedroom with the fish reflecting on the ceiling with relaxing music. I rarely do this. (Normally we always start with the scream, bite the hand etc)
I often praise, kiss and tell them to say sorry. Like I tell them, 'You are a good kid, you don't do things like that. We love everyone. We are not horrible to other people. Why would you want to hurt that boy?' and keep repeating. Or I tell them to throw kisses or encourage them to show they really mean that they are sorry. Then after 2 minutes they repeat, and I repeat! I don't give up, one day they will learn.
I don't believe in punishments. I never ever give them punishments.
If they drop something on purpose, they have to pick it up. Even if it means I use their hands to do it. Or to wipe water off the floor. Or they scribble on the floor, they have to scrub.
If they are crying hysterically, I like to massage the back of their neck. 1 out of 10 times it works!
If I sense that they are going to do something wrong, I just go and grab them and take them away. Like a boy is shouting at them, my kids hate being shouted at, I think they are going to fight. So I end it there, I make them move away.
It's a fact that I hate crying and tantrums, but it's also a fact that lots of kids get them.