When Jaimee was an only child, we were happy to have just her and Jaimee was happy getting all the attention. At the age of 4, she started telling us that she wanted a friend, just like all the neighbours had. So I offered to get her even two friends at a time. But she said that what she meant was that friend that lives with us, a sibling!
When she was 6, the sibling finally arrived, although not the sex she wanted. Jaimee wanted an Aimee, but Sam came instead. She was so crazy about him, when she accepted the idea it was a boy. She would talk to him, buy him clothes, prepare him letters and presents. I always encouraged her to do so. I love siblings who have a very strong relationship, so I did my best to make her love him before he came. I used to tell her to feel the kicks, but when she put her hand, he used to stop kicking. So I used to breath out very hard and it felt like a kick. I used to tell her, you see, he already feels it's you and he loves you so much. And phrases like, Oh, he hasn't kicked at all today while you were at school, as soon as he heard your voice he started kicking. She used to be so happy.
When he was born at the hospital, I made her wear a beautiful elegant dress, so that Sam would see her very nice. When she got to the hospital with daddy, I started praising her, how beautiful she was, and that when he heard her voice was the first time he opened his eyes. He recognised her voice, since she called his name so much when I was still pregnant.
When he got home and Sam would cry, I used to frown and tell her that babies are a lot of work. I used to tell her that thank goodness I had her for helping me out and that Sam was naughty not like her! She would stick up for him and tell me that Sam was not naughty, he was just a baby. He needed me. That was so sweet.
I used to encourage her to do things for me, like change his nappy, or give him the dummy, or rock him to sleep. She used to love playing the mummy with him. Then I tell her, I don't know what I would do without you! I kept doing what we did before together, like cooking, baking, painting, doing crafts...
Although I did all the above, hoping Jaimee would never ever be jealous of Sam, when Sam was 1 year old and we were all in the big bath in the Winter, I was wetting them with the direct warm water coz they were feeling cold. Jaimee said that I was spending more time putting water on Sam than on her. After telling her it wasn't true, I started to count to 10 on Sam and then count to 10 on her. It was such a small thing, but she felt I wasn't fair.
What I had loved about Jaimee was that when Sam came home, she counted her money in the money box, and divided it in two. She gave half to Sam, coz she said that Sam's money box was still empty. I think that was a very sweet thing to do. I praised her positive behaviour and told everyone how kind she was to him.
I try to avoid jealousy between them, by kissing them all a lot. One kiss each and they take turns. Hugging them all a lot. If I hug one, I hug the others. I always praise them for being a very good brother and sister. I tell Jaimee, Sam is very lucky to have you as a sister coz he could have had a horrible one. I also tell them all that they are very beautiful.
I try not to make them compete. Or tell them that one is better than the other. People in my life they see a lot are sometimes telling them, 'Eat! You see your sister is a good eater.' I really hate that. I used to hate it when I was young so I avoid doing it with my kids. They used to tell me study coz your friend got 100 in that subject. I ended up hating the subject and hating my friend. So instead of competing I try to put them on the same side as a team to reach the goal quicker. Make them cooperate with each other.
What I do wrong without realising is comparing the kids. I do it all the time. Jaimee spoke at 2, so I expected Sam to speak at 2. Jaimee walked at 1, so I expected Sam to walk at 1. Now I expect Aimee to do the same. I know I am wrong, and I shouldn't do it. I'm working on it. I know that all kids are different. Now I am trying to tell them what good points each of them has.
If Sam or Aimee are crying, I like to send Jaimee to calm them down. I tell her that I am not good at making them stop crying. Then she makes one of them sleep and she's so happy. Even Sam rocks Aimee sometimes when he hears her crying and I tell him that she is sad. If she stops I tell him you made her happy.
When they do something wrong, I don't correct just one of them, I just say 'enough'. Mostly if they are arguing, because if I don't know what happened, I don't know whose fault it is. I don't want to blame the wrong kid. And I ask them to say sorry and make up.
I think when they are older, the relationship between them will change completely if I am not fair with dividing money. I feel that this is a very sensitive subject and lots of families break up because of this. So, I decided that just like my mum, I will be very fair with the three of them regarding this subject.
Yes my kids can get along well together, they can have a very good relationship and a great bond between them. What I can do is play fair, show them all my unconditional love, kiss them, hug them, include all of them and not let anyone feel left out. Wish me luck for the future, coz I think this is the biggest challenge a mum can have.
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